Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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