Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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