Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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