I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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