If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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