It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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