oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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