im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
