Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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