So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
