I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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