is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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