Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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