I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
