i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
