I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
