Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Operation Purity has been aborted
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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