Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
