YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
