i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
