dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
