Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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