I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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