Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
