did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
