I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
