I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize