Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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