Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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