We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
