My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
