I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
