I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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