that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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