Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
