she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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