Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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