His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
