I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
