Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
