note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
