You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
