I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
