no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
