I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
