Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
