it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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