He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
