i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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