Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
