You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
