dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
