They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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