I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
