It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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