i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
