Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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