i just wanna soil my oats bro
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
