508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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