I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
