he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
