i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
