yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
