I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
