And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
