Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
