HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
