you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
