I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
