You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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