I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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