So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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