Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
