Welp...herpes.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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