I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We need to get me chipped asap
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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