I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
