I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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