Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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