...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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